Panic Disorder

Panic Attacks are intense and traumatic. If left unchecked they can quickly take over your life, interfering with work, relationships and destroy overall quality of life.


The First Attack

I had my first full-blown attack when I was 23. I was in an abusive relationship, and engaged to be married.

I was at a friends house, sipping coffee. My fiance and I had been fighting all morning and my stress level was high.

The attack started with a tingling sensation in my mouth and face. My heart started to race and my breathing became quick and shallow. I was convinced I had eaten something weird and was having some sort of freak allergic reaction. I was trembling uncontrollably and thought I was going to die.

I went straight to the emergency room, expecting them to rush me inside, strap monitors on my chest and hook me to an IV. The triage nurse listened to my symptoms and remarked, "it sounds like anxiety."

I was floored. No, this was something much more serious than that. Anxiety is just from worrying a bit to much, right? I sat in the waiting room, snuggling under a blanket, still trembling a bit.

After waiting an hour, I felt perfectly fine. I left before I even saw a doctor.


The attacks continue

This was the first of a string of attacks, which increased in frequency and severity. Within a month, I was a complete wreck - frightened to go out of the house.

My attacks would come on suddenly, sometimes waking me out of sleep. My heart would pound, I would get pins and needles, I would hyperventilate, shake and cry. They passed quickly, but left me exhausted and terrified.


Recovery

I began to research as much as I could about panic disorder. Sometimes just reading about them would trigger an attack.

My doctor prescribed me a low dose of an antidepressant (Celexa). I was nervous about taking them, and the simple act of swallowing a pill would trigger an attack. My fiance was dead against me taking medication. He shamed me, called me a "pill-popper."

I took the medication for about 2 weeks, and gave up. I decided to fight this disorder on my own.

I had to learn about the physiological responses that happened just before and during an attack. Pupils dilate, adrenaline courses through your blood. Racing heart beat, spinning thoughts, feeling of suffocation, overwhelming sense of dread, abdominal cramping, pins and needles, tightness in the chest...


Emotional detachment

With practice, I learned to "observe" these physical responses as they happened to my body. I imagined that I was an onlooker of my own body, scientifically studying these symptoms.

By learning to control my emotional reaction to the attacks, they gradually started loosing power over me. I still had the physical symptoms, but I didn't let myself "panic." I patiently waited out the physiological responses, objectivally observed my physical reactions, and calmly, the symptoms passed.

Success

Eventually, the attacks were gone. I still felt panic creep up on me, at work or in a busy mall. But I relaxed, breathed and waited for the feeling to pass.

It takes patience and practice, but panic attacks can be conquered!