One parent of many

My Beloved Katie
by Linda P. Stauffer

Each day I wake up from a terrible dream,
Only to find the world has changed.
I go to your room; your things are still there
Your dolls, your medals and your favorite bear.
The scent of you lingers, the smell of your hair
Memories of you, I find, are everywhere
Your precious books are stacked by the bed
And tissues that captured your tears as you read
Your paintings and drawings still hang on the wall
Collections of seashells and rocks from the beach
Bring back the memories of the times well spent
How do I go on without you by my side?
To love you to hold you, with smiles and pride.
My heart, it is broken, my dear beloved child
I miss your laughter, your music and your smiles,
All of our dreams of the future will never come true
The 'whys 'and 'if onlys 'endlessly swirl in my head
Please tell me, oh God, I wish I were dead
I want to be with you every second of the day
But Dad and your sister, they need me to stay
Your friends and your family will never forget,
Your friendship, your love and your gentle kindness
You will live on forever in their hearts and their minds,
I will love you forever my darling, my child.

This poem made me cry. I pray that I never have to bury a child. But I am grieving a different kind of loss. This morning, as I was unpacking and sorting through my things, I found dozens of little hairclips which I lovingly picked out for my preschooler a while back. Butterflies, flowers, sparkly blue pastic clips, which would nestle so cheerfully in her curly blonde hair. I put them in a plastic bag, by the door.